Monday, October 31, 2011

Sleepless Nights

Morning came, much like the mornings before it, bright and clear and beautiful.  I would have loved waking up to it.  A good morning stretch with a wide yawn cracking my jaw and ending in a smile would have been a cheery way to greet the morning.

Had I slept.

Had sleep even been part of my vocabulary last night.

Sadly, it was not.  Instead I lay awake, watching the night slip away into the darkness as it ate itself slice by slice and turned into day.  There was no appreciation for the sun, no sweet dreams to kiss regrettably goodbye for another day and no welcome stretch to greet the morning.  I met it with a frown instead.  One more day to chase away the sleep I yearned for, one more hour to trudge through.

I got up.

It took me another half of an hour but I did get up, finally admitting I wasn't going to sleep and I had things to do.  I drifted from one room to the next, preparing for a day that I'd never really left and hoped to finally leave that night when I chased after the hope of dreams once more.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I had at least been tired.  If I had at least been rewarded from my long night of laying awake and thinking with some sign that this night at last I would lay down and find rest.  But no.  I was as awake as a rooster after a good night's sleep, even without the good night's sleep.  My body was heavy, run down but like the night before my mind was quick, ready to go, wanting to learn, to move to sing.  I let it go, trying to sleep once more even with the sun so high in the sky but still my mind refused to settle.

Oh well.  Another day, another minute, none of them wasted as each moment was crammed with thoughts of this, that, and the other.  What was I to write today?  What was I to sing about with so many thoughts muddled together and raging?  Where was the sorting, the organization and the order!

There is no order in a sleepless mind.

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